It’s a lazy way to cover the Minnesota State Fair, but I’m still recovering from our visit, and speechless. More themes probably forthcoming.
Cheese Curd Twins - We Fry Cheese to Please!
Navy Twins
Milk Twins - Farmers Feed Us!
French Fries Twins!
Elderly Twins - On a bench
*Editor’s Pick - Burnsville Marching Band Dating Twins
Shameless and unnecessary cute pic for the kids
RECREATION
It turns out that “Schuylkill” is pronounced more like “skoogle” than like “sheyulkel.” As in, “The Schuylkill River Trail is a strange dichotomy of serene and hectic, with the scenic waterfront on one side and a 4 lane highway on the other. There should be more water fountains.”
DINING
Honey’s Sit’n'Eat: ostensibly Jewish-Southern Fusion, although we felt like the cuisine was more combined than fused. They featured both Matzo Ball Soup and Fried Green Tomatoes, but nothing along the lines of Latkes and Sausage Gravy, or Deep Fried Brisket. The waiters were unbearably hip, and Honey’s does not accept credit cards. But there was a note in the bathroom about how to flush the antique toilet, which I found endearing.
Some Cheese Steak Restaurant with “John” in the title: According to one native Philadelphian*, this is the only place in the city that doesn’t serve low-quality beef on low-quality bread with Cheez Whiz. The sandwiches are humongous and delicious. It was in a decidedly untouristy part of town between I-95 and a Blockbuster, and the cook was impatient to the point of being rude, so I’m pretty sure it was authentic. No free water.
*neither of those adjectives is true
TRANSPORTATION
Wasn’t crazy about the trains, mostly because of some confusion about when the last train was going back to Mount Airy. We thought it was closer to 1:30, they thought it was more like midnight.
The system is almost unbelievably archaic, too. It doesn’t accept credit cards, and one buys little metal tokens to get on the subway. On trains going out to the edge of the city, a conductor comes around with a hole punch. It would be cute if a one-way ticket didn’t cost 5 dollars. (I think Philadelphia has no money.)
TOURIST ATTRACTIONS
I was EXTREMELY disappointed by the Liberty Bell.
**Corrections
Liberty Bell notwithstanding, I really loved Philadelphia. Our hosts were gracious and badass, the pizza was icy cold, and the beer was herby and delicious. The Something Corporate show (NOT Taking Back Sunday) was an embarrassing blast from my early high school past. It’s a great city to bike in, and if New Orleans sinks into the ocean (and I very much hope that it does not), then Philadelphia will be high on my list of places to live.
And to all you scrapple virgins out there- Stop it.
It’s been almost 70 years since Crystal Springs reigned as the largest exporter of tomatoes (in the world?), but locals still know it as the “Once known as the TOMATOPOLIS OF THE WORLD” A curious tourist will still be directed to the one-room Tomato Museum, and the annual Tomato Festival is the biggest party of the year. But just as every Rome eventually falls to barbarian hordes, and Night follows Day, so must every Tomatopolis someday be outshone by the South’s Largest and Most Unique Selection of Lawn and Garden Fountains, Birdbaths, Planters and Statuary. I enjoyed my visit to the Tomato Museum with its forlorn relics of a bygone era. But for me, Crystal Springs will always be Four Seasons Garden Art.
Tits and I stumbled onto FSGA by accident, on our way, in fact, to the TM. We’d been driving for days, and needed a little R&R. Unable to find the museum and intrigued by the armada of classical statues lining the highway, we decided to stop in. Good thing! The selection was immense. There were fountains and gazebos, life-sized Davids and miniature Davids, rabbits, lions, frogs, pigs, creepy little girls, dragons and hedgehogs, several versions of the 10 Commandments, birdbaths, benches, baskets, mermaids and more. I could have stayed for hours, but since an (exceedingly helpful and friendly!) employee gave us directions to the Tomato Museum, we decided to move on. Unfortunately our U-haul was full and our wallets almost empty, so we left without that special something to brighten up our yard. Someday, though, we’ll need lawn ornaments, and we’ll sure know where to get them.
From my bed (that I share)
I can see the earth
And the sky
I can see Blake and Mary Ellen
And every other room in my house
I can see the neighbor’s house
(And not just through the window)
(Which is very dirty anyways, and broken)
It is the second most beautiful place I have ever lived
I just came upon a list of what people using Google want to make. I was looking for a recipe for french toast. How do you stack up?
.
Google Search: Everyone wants to know: How to make…
a website
money
out
a resume
french toast (!!)
a paper airplane
jello shots
sushi
a diaper cake (what the fuck is this?)
your hair grow faster
.
I’m pretty sure this is a very accurate reflection of what your peers need, and therefore of what you should make sure you have, unless my housemate (and owner of this computer) has just been searching for all of these things, in which case, Dave, what the hell.
we have a great idea. we have a new event. 4/30 at 9pm. it is called THE 24 BEER BICYCLE MILE. it is based on the experience that i had today, while trying to buy beer to go with the nachos.
this is what you do: teams of four. each team has a case of beer and a bicycle, and those two items have to go around the track together four times. only one person may be on the track at a time. i guess you could call it a relay, of sorts. the beer and the bike must always remain together. only one person can be on the track at a time. for example, all four people could stop between any round at the start/finish line and drink together. empties need not be carried around with the bicycle, no full/half full/being consumed beers can be abandoned at the start/finish by the bicycle. you are not finished until each person has done one lap around the track and the entire case has been CONSUMED. the consumption may happen in any point during the relay. empties may be left at the start and do not need to be carried around with the bicycle. we should definitely wear helmets (tits). BUT REALLY ALWAYS WE HAVE TO WEAR HELMETS. and pants strongly recommended. kneepads/additional padding optional. chaps are cool too.
we would also like to offer a 50 meter headstart for every bowl that you smoke before your turn. you can smoke during all of the rounds of the people preceeding you. this could be advantageous for you, or detrimental. it is important to think about it.
snacks are optional.
regulations regarding baskets pending, but we’d love some feedback. comment below at TITSANDBALLS.ORG!! also you can sign up that way.
later,
muzzi, tits+balls, jamie kathleen
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