Tits and Balls

Fall is a season of mixed emotions.  It signifies below freezing temperatures arriving all too soon, but it is also a season of communal gatherings, beautiful colors, and joyous festivities.  One of my personal favorite fall activities is apple picking followed by pie baking.  We recently baked two delicious apple pies, where many friends gathered to be photographed with the creation.  Here is the recipe so you can recreate it for yourself.  Also, it is key to creatively decorate the crust, so you do not just make any old ordinary pie. We chose to do a marijuana leaf, but your motif can cater to the theme of the gathering.

Applie pie recipe:

For the filling:

• 8 or 9 large apples of several different cooking varieties (Delicious apples will NOT do), peeled, cored, and thinly sliced
• Juice of 1 large lemon
• Sugar
• Ground cinnamon
• Unsalted butter

For the Crust:

• 3 cups sifted all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup sugar
• Pinch of salt
• 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, chilled and cut into 8 pieces
• 1/3 cup shortening, chilled and cut into small pieces
• 6 to 8 tablespoons iced water

Preparation

To make the pie:
Preheat oven to 450° F.

Prepare the pastry. Line a 9-inch pie pan with half of the pastry and set aside in the refrigerator, along with the unrolled half, while you make the filling. Taste a few slices of the apples to gauge how much sugar you’ll need to make them sweet. In a large bowl, mix the apple slices in the lemon juice. Sprinkle with sugar and cinnamon to taste, then add the mace and nutmeg. Pour the apple mixture into the prepared pastry shell. Mound toward the center and dot with butter. Roll out the remaining pastry and carefully lay it over the apples. Seal the edges, cut vent holes, and decorate with extra pieces of dough cut into decorative shapes.  Place the pie pan on a baking sheet (to catch any spill over) and cook in the middle of the oven for 10 minutes. Turn the oven down to 350° F. and continue to cook for about another hour, until the top crust is a beautiful golden brown. If the edges start to darken too much, cover with a ribbon of aluminum foil.

To make the crust:
Combine the flour, sugar, and salt in a bowl. Incorporate the butter and shortening with a pastry blender until the mixture resembles coarse cornmeal.  Add the iced water, 1 tablespoon at a time, until the dough begins to form into a ball. Turn the dough out onto a sheet of plastic wrap. As you wrap the dough in the plastic, form it into a disk. Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Take the dough from the refrigerator and cut it into 2 pieces, one slightly bigger than the other. Wrap the smaller piece in plastic wrap and return to the refrigerator. Roll out the bigger piece on a lightly floured surface until it’s slightly larger than the pie pan. Drape one end of the dough over the pin and gently lift it up, then slip the pan underneath the dough and lower it into the pan. Press the dough gently — and quickly — against the sides of the pan. Leave about an inch of dough hanging over the sides of the pan and cut any excess away. Refrigerate the crust for at least 30 minutes before filling.

After you have filled the pie, take the smaller disk from the refrigerator and roll it out on a lightly floured surface until it’s a little bigger than the pie. Drape one end of the dough over the rolling pin, lift it gently, then drape it over the top of the filling. Press the edges together and crimp to seal.  Makes a double 9-inch crust.

So after attending a lot of riverfront/costal festivals this summer, I have come to wonder why no one has started a floating festival. In the heat of the summer, water often appears much more desirable than standing in the blazing sun surrounded by hundreds of other smelly, sweaty, disgruntled fans. If a band could play on a barge attendees could float on rafts, dance on docks, be on jet skies, tread water, laze on an inner tube, dine on yachts, or anything else their hearts desired.

Another great thing is that water is a teriffic sound conductor, thus sound can travel for vast distances before dying out.  I am not an expert, but I think this could really enhance the concert experience.

I believe the time we have all been waiting for will come. Soon. The time when marijuana will be legalized. Anti-drug documentaries, such as Reefer Madness, are a thing of the past. Widespread accessibility of marijuana is a thing of the future. This is no longer a fight of the idealistic youth. It has reached the White House, where people with power are fighting for our cause. 4/20 is becoming a national holiday. When that becomes the case, the triathlon should be a sponsored, national event. The legalization of marijuana could truly be what brings us out of the recession. Think of all the revenue it would create. According to Mr. Nadelmann, executive director of the Drug Policy Alliance, recognizes the four public stages,

Stage 1. Bill Clinton: I smoked but I did not inhale.

Stage 2. Al Gore: I smoked, it was wrong, I regret it, shame on me.

Stage 3. Michael Bloomberg (asked if he’d tried pot): “You bet I did and I enjoyed it.”

Stage 4. Barack Obama: “I inhaled frequently — that was the point!”

Stage 5. Public Figure to Come: Yes, I smoke the occasional joint.

Stage 5 is coming. When? Only time can tell.

So apparently, according to the Sunday times article Whiffle Hurling? Bag Tag? Hey, It’s Art,  we are not alone in creating new, “original” sports events.  Not only are we innovators, we are also performance artists. According to the article, “everything inherent in theater is inherent in sports…absurdist sports are an outgrowth of the contemporary art-world trend toward participatory art, which is intended to break down walls between artist and audience.”  Let’s give ourselves a pat on the back for not only having not-so-original fun, but being cutting edge artists at the same time.  Although our sports event includes the classic Carleton twist: alcohol and illicit substances. Even though the bicycle mile has been postponed indefinitely, it will still exist.  We need to pick a time and make it happen.  We don’t need the swine flu to be featured in the times. According to a comparative literature professor at Stanford University, “so intellectuals, when they play games, they cannot just play normal games. It has to be intellectualized.”  So true.

The real question is does this article legitimize our creative medium or cheapen our “quirkiness?”

It all began when my roommate and I interviewed to work as an ice cream truck driver for Bill’s Best Buy Ice Cream at Bill’s girlfriend’s laundromat in a Minneapolis suburb.  He thought it would be neutral ground in which we could talk.

A typical day:

Noon: Wake up and call Bill to find out what time to begin work.

Bill: “Oh, it’s noon already? I was out pretty late at the casino.  Give me an hour or two to stock up the truck.  Be here no later than 2:00.”

2:00: Take the bus to a mall near Bill’s house.  Call Bill to be picked up.  Bill: “You’re here already?!  Umm, I’m running a little bit behind schedule.  I’ll have my girlfriend Leanne pick you up.”

2:45:  Leeann arrives and buys me lunch at Leeann Chins. She complains about how difficult it is to date Bill, especially when he doesn’t share his winnings at the casino.  Awkward.

3:15 Arrive at Bill’s house and help him finish loading the truck.  Take inventory, making sure to under count two Chaco Taco’s for a snack.

4:00 Finally arrive at the first lake with the droning Christmas songs blasting from the truck.

4:15 Man approaches truck with a camera.  Asks, “Mind if I take a few pictures of you girls? I do watercolors.”

5:00 Leave the lake to head to the water park.  Must drive for quite some time on a four lane highway in a truck with nonadjustable mirrors. Smoke a spliff and listen to Beirut on the way.  It is now rush hour. Car in the next lane, yells out the window, “Got any bomb pops?” Of course, I reply.  She holds out $1.25, as traffic begins to move again.  I take the money, throw her a bomb pop, and quickly drive away.

6:00 Arrive at the water park, but quickly leave due to lack of crowds. One customer buys an ice cream sandwich and asks, “What do you do with all that money? Buy weed?!” I just chuckle.  I talk to Bill while on the highway and he says to go to the next lake, and meet him at his house when finished.

7:30 Arrive at Bill’s house and call him wondering where he is.  He is screaming so loud it is impossible to hear.  Finally I decode that he sent Leeann to look for me because I hadn’t called in a while, and she got into a car accident on the way.  I apologize and hang up.

8:00 Want to go home but cannot find the appropriate wrench to put the windows up.  Borrow a wrench from every person in the near vicinity, but none of them work.  Sit back and enjoy the sunset.

9:00 Bill arrives home. Puts the windows up and sends me home.  Tells me not to bother coming to work the next day.

Two days later Bill calls. Bill: “Why haven’t you been coming to work?” Me: “You fired me.”  Bill: “Oh, I didn’t really mean it.  I need you. None of my other employees have driver’s licenses.”

And the saga goes on all summer long.

Remember when I wrote lamenting the fact that spin art was not more popular?  Well Damien Hirst, a famous British artist, grossed a record $200 million dollars last year at an auction in London from his spin art painting collection.  Admittedly, his work his quite a bit better than mine, but not that much better.